Pieces - DGM AllenLavi

"Allen~"

He ignored the call, way too focused on finishing his delicious mitarashi dango. He'd missed the treat tremendously while on the three month long mission, and not even an hour after arriving back home at Headquarters, Allen had found himself sitting down to eat a full 8 plates of it – not to mention the dozens of other dishes that Jerry had made for him as a welcome back meal. It wasn't very healthy, but he didn't care in the slightest. He was a growing boy, and a parasitic innocence accommodate as well. He needed to eat a ton in order to stay energetic, strong, and ready to go.

"Alleeeeeeeeen~"

The call still went unanswered. Couldn't he tell that he was extremely busy at the moment? He had no time to talk when he was utterly exhausted and absolutely starving. But it didn't seem like the other liked to be ignored, and wouldn't simply leave him to his meal in peace. So in a matter of seconds a rather rambunctious and outgoing redhead sat himself down across from the British male who was currently stuffing his face.

"Moyashi! Why are you ignoring me? Can't hear me over the chomping going on in your mouth?"

"It's Allen," he snapped back before addressing the actual questions between mouthfuls. "I just got back from a mission, Lavi. I'm tired and hungry, and quite frankly I do not want to chit chat about what happened."

Lavi winced, propping his head up on a hand, the rest of the arm resting on the top of the table. "That bad, huh? I heard from Komui that things didn't turn out good..." Sensing the dark aura that was creeping up out of Allen's hunched over form, he smartly opted to change the subject. "It's been a while since I've seen you, so I thought I'd find you and, you know, check on how you were..."

He paused in his chewing and regarded the other with grey eyes that softened from their earlier glare. He smiled gently and shook his head, brushing off the concern over his well-being. "Of course I'm alright." He left it at that, like he usually did, but though Lavi knew that those words were far from the truth he also knew that trying to get anything else out of the boy forcefully would only result in a rather pissed off and uncomfortable Allen. So he left it at that.

For now.

After finishing his meal, Allen decided to follow as Lavi headed to the library. However much he wanted to sleep for about, oh, a week or so, he knew that, since his mind was still quite active at the moment, he wouldn't be able to fall into a peaceful slumber just yet. So, hoping that relaxing in the library as his friend worked would help his mind calm down enough for him to get the much needed rest, he'd tagged along.

Bookman Junior had had no problem about that, though Bookman himself might have if he were here that is, and actually seemed to like having the other accompany him. As they settled down at a table and he gathered the books he'd need, he glanced across at Allen.

"You know, while I do like being alone while I work, it's kind of nice to have someone to talk to," he took out a large book and opened it to an empty page, taking out a writing utensil to start jotting down information he though was relevant from the other books he'd be reading. "The Old Panda would probably get angry at me for saying that, because it shouldn't really matter whether I'm alone or not, but it's what I think."

The white-haired teenager hummed thoughtfully, resting his head on his folder arms. He gazed up at the other with an unguarded expression, watching as he went about the usual things that Bookmen did. Well, he assumed this was what they did regularly, but he couldn't be too sure when Bookman and Lavi seemed so absolutely different from one another and went about doing things in ways contrary of the other.

"You're lucky you got to go out on a mission, Allen, even though it didn't turn out as well as anyone could have wanted. I was stuck here reading and doing things for the Old Man. I love reading and everything, learning information is really interesting, but he never does anything fun."

Allen's lips quirked up in a half-smile, amused. His eyelids had drooped and were close to shutting completely, the urge to do so caused by the soft and warm sound of Lavi's voice. Listening to him speak was in fact something soothing, though he'd definitely not mention it to anyone, especially the stupid rabbit himself. It was an embarrassing thing to admit, really.

"So, moyashi, you know I know you're not 'alright', right?"

"'S Allen..." He managed to slur out, and his brows knitted in confusion for a moment. His mind, working slowly now because it was approaching the verge of sleep was unable to comprehend what Lavi had said, which he suspected was what the other had wanted to happen and why he had chosen that specific way of saying the sentence. "And I'm fine..."

"No, you're not, I can see it, Allen."

The suddenly stern tone made him jerk his head upwards, eyes opening to stare into a lone green one. The scrutinizing gaze was hard to hold in his current state, and he found himself looking away to focus on the red buttons on the older male's coat. He heard a sigh, but didn't say anything about it.

"Listen. I know you don't like letting any of us believe you're anything less than perfectly fine all the time, but I know that you're not always 100%, you probably never are actually," he murmured the last bit under his breath but the person he was speaking about could still hear them without a problem. "You don't have to pretend, can't you understand that?"

Allen's gaze further dropped down until he was staring at his own fidgeting hands, which were playing with the hems of his sleeves. He had no idea of what to say in response – the fact that he was incredibly drowsy really did not help him in this situation either – and so kept silent.

Seeming to give up, Lavi shut his book loudly and began putting away his things in order to clean up. Just as he was about to stand up, Allen's pale hand shot out and grasped his much more tanned one. "I-I'm sorry..."

But the hand pulled away and then rubbed at the face of the body it belonged to in exasperation. "I don't want an apology. Just... Just forget it, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Seriously, what am I looking to gain from this..?"

His muses seemed to have meant to be private, because when he realized he'd spoken out loud Lavi turned abruptly and left the library, leaving the other alone in the room. However, when Allen glanced up slightly, he was able to notice that he wasn't the only thing that had gotten left behind; the books that had been pulled out still lay on the table, and because of his hasty departure, Lavi had forgotten the orange scarf he always wore.

He stared at it for a long moment without really seeing it because his mind was lost in memories.

The mission had been going well; they'd found the young girl who had unknowingly synchronized with an Innocence, and were in the middle of discussing whether or not she would come join the Black Order and become an exorcist to help fight Akuma and the Millennium Earl. It had seemed like she was going to agree, but that was when she was attacked. Allen had just stepped out to go to the phone booth to call Komui to inform him on his mission's progress, he'd only been gone from her side for a few seconds, but then suddenly there was huge crash and scream.

By the time he was able to race up the stairs of the house to the girl's room, it was too late. Tyki and Road stood in the large window, balanced on the sill like acrobats. When he burst into the room he'd received a smirk from the male and a squealed greeting from the female, but both he ignored because of what lay on the floor. The girl's body was lifeless, bloodied and small, so fragile looking, and it all made burning, furious tears build up in Allen's eyes. She'd been innocent, so pure and kind, and now she was dead.

He'd looked up just in time to see Road crush the Innocence that the girl had synchronized with in her hands, grinning maniacally over at him. Before he could rush at the two Noah in order to kill them – or at the very least brutally maim them – in his anger they stepped out of the window, seeming to fall down the three stories to the road below.

However, he'd known better; known that Road had opened one of her doors so that they could safely disappear to wherever they wanted to go. It made him angry, so despairingly angry, and all he could do was sink to his knees beside the girl he'd only met a couple of months before, but had become somewhat attached to, at least in the sense that he'd wanted to protect her from anything that would try to harm her. He'd failed, he'd failed her, and now she was dead.

Allen hiccoughed, burying his face into the soft fabric that lay against his face, not realizing that the object was in fact, a certain redheaded exorcist's scarf. He was so useless. He'd sworn to protect her, but had failed. What use was he if he couldn't save people? He'd said so long ago that his purpose was to save Akuma and people alike, so how could he have betrayed those words that he'd promised?

She was so young... She didn't deserve to die...

"A-Allen?"

His head shot up swiftly in his surprise at the call of his name, and he hastily scrubbed away any traces of tears on his face. Once that was done, he turned and looked up at whoever had arrived, and saw – to his surprise – that Lavi had come back and was sitting in the chair beside him now that he'd been acknowledged. How long had he been standing nearby, listening to him?

He didn't want to meet that eye, that eye that always tried to see into his mind, his heart, his soul. It was unsettling most of the time, when he tried to figure out everything about him, like a Bookman should. It made him feel so far away, mentally as well as emotionally, and it made him feel... like he really wasn't concerned about him because they were 'friends'.

But when he did look up, to his chagrin because Lavi's hand had reached up to caress the side of his face, effectively lifting his chin up so that he had no choice but to gaze up at the other, he saw that he'd been wrong in his assumptions.

"You're crying," he stated bluntly, and if they hadn't been in this current situation, Allen might have laughed at how he was stating the obvious. Instead he gasped in a short little breath, trying to control his sobs and stop himself from crying any more. "Why... What happened...? Why won't you just talk to me?"

The words are spoken with a sadness that struck him as strange. Sure, Lavi had shown emotions, an array of them in the time that he'd known him, but a sadness like this one was something he usually didn't witness. Maybe it was just him though? Because he distinctly remembered hearing from Johnny that when he was de- at the Asia Branch Headquarters, Lavi and Lenalee had become incredibly depressed, with the former becoming angry at everything in general as they days dragged on. It made him feel guilty for worrying his friends – he knew they weren't the only ones who had been effected by his disappearance, too – but he'd chosen not to address it, like he usually did.

He hated talking about himself when he was showing weakness...

Just like now.

He wanted so desperately to look away from that searing green gaze, but he couldn't. And so he had to endure it while keeping himself from tearing up any more than he already was as he was bombarded by Lavi's heartfelt, serious speech. Gone is the teasing lilt in his voice, and the nicknames, and everything else that seemed to be Lavi's "signature" way of talking. It all meant that this was something really important.

"Don't you know how much everyone cares about you? Lenalee, Komui, Johnny, Miranda, Krory, Jerry... There are so many people who worry about you, and who know when something is bothering you. Maybe some of them just ignore it, like Lenalee, I think her heart just doesn't want to believe that you're hurting, but I can't ignore it. Dammit, Allen, you drive me crazy when you hide yourself away behind smiles and polite responses and..."

Allen's eyes widened at the sound of Lavi's voice cracking, and said older teenager looked equally as surprised, because he shook his head and cleared his throat, breaking eye contact for a couple of moments to regain his composure. But afterwards his voice was a lot softer, and it almost had a pleading edge to it that made Allen's heart constrict in his chest.

"Don't hide from us... We're here for you. You don't have to endure everything on your own."

He couldn't manage to form any words around the lump in his throat, and so he agonizingly stayed silent.

"Allen..."

His silvery-grey eyes, glistening slightly from unshed tears, scrunched closed in a useless attempt to hide.

"Allen..."

With every call of his name, spoken so gently, so warmly, so longingly, his resolve to stay closed in on himself emotionally weakened, slowly crumbling. He wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer, not while he was unable to escape from the promises of comfort just inches away from him, in the form of his close friend. Why was he still forcing himself to stay away, to not show weakness, when here was someone willing to look past that and not pity or look down on him for it?

"Allen... Plea-"

And before Lavi could even finish the word, Allen threw himself into his arms,a sob catching in his throat as he gasped out, "L-Lavi..." He found himself sitting in the other's lap, being held like – in his mind – only a girl should, but when warm hands came up to rub soothing circles on his back and run through his hair, he found himself just not giving a damn any more.

In between the shaking breaths, he was able to retell the tragic events of his latest mission, and Lavi did not interrupt him, did not ask questions to find out more information, did not do the things he probably should as a Bookman. Instead he stayed quiet, his only task to calm and console Allen as he told the story. He buried his face into the other's chest when he reached the bitter end, finally, and sobbed uncontrollably, letting himself disperse all of the anguish he'd been holding in.

He'd thought he could do it on his own, handle everything by himself, but with all of the things going wrong, so very, very wrong, lately, he just can't do it anymore. He's a broken mess and knew it very well; the scattered pieces of who he is a reminder that he's no longer just Allen Walker as he had once believed he was. He doesn't even truly know who or what he is anymore, and that fact has been wearing his shields and barriers thin until he could barely conceal how much it's been bothering him.

But Lavi, who isn't even truly "Lavi" either, can understand. Can somewhat empathize or sympathize or however other way one would like to describe it. He's the one person Allen had come to think could actually come close to genuinely comprehending what it's like to not have a stable identity. And maybe that's why the redhead was the one who'd finally made him crack; had made him break down and let out some of his frustrations. Of course, there were many, many – too many for him to count – other things that he kept hidden deep inside his heart that he would never tell his friend, at least not any time soon he believed, but that didn't seem to matter right then.

Allen had finally found someone who he could and would lean on, if only a little bit. Someone he would trust to help him put back the pieces of himself to make him whole again when the trials and tribulations of his life became too much to bear alone. He'd still be secretive, hiding behind his masks and politeness, he'd still hide away. However now... Now he had another option that he'd never thought he'd use again after Mana had died.

He would be able to let someone else share some of his burden and care for him.

They stayed in the library for a few hours, just sharing a moment in time where it seemed like nothing could touch them. And that was all that mattered; nothing else did right then. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to cry about; there was only a peaceful, comfortable feeling.

Allen let out a shuddering sigh, feeling at home, so warm and safe, secure. And then Lavi's soft voice, murmuring gentle words and the whispered sounds of his name against his hair, slowly lulled him to sleep...

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I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

- Pieces by RED